WANTED: MINISTER FOR A GROWING CHURCH
Must have experience as shepherd, CEO, office manager, educator, salesman, diplomat, referee, writer, theologian, politician motivational speaker, Boy Scout leader, psychologist, social worker, funeral director, wedding consultant, master of ceremonies, church planter, missionary. Helpful but not essential: landscape manager, interior decorator, musician, minor league athlete, stand-up comedian.
Should have answers to life's tough questions about suffering, dying, God's sovereignty. Must hold firm convictions on every topic, but not allowed to ruffle anyone's feathers. Must think as deeply as C.S. Lewis, preach as passionately as C.H. Spurgeon, listen as sensitively as James Dobson.
Sweet disposition required at all times, even when attacked or simply having a bad day. Must have wisdom and experience of age but energy and glow of youth. Required to attend every potluck dinner, yet remain slim. Twenty-four-hour-a-day availability a must (beeper provided). Must spend quality time with family.
Applicant's wife must be both stunning and plain, quiet yet outgoing. She should keep home immaculate but be available to teach Sunday school, organize socials, and discipline women. Applicant's children must be exemplary in conduct and character, yet no different from other kids; dressed decently.
Salary not commensurate with experience or need; no overtime pay; frequent criticism. Non-smoking, non-dancing, non-moving viewing environment. An equal opportunity employer.(1)
I do hope that by now you realize this is a totally fictional classified ad, but it does underscore the pressure that pastors often feel. To all pastors and their families. We love, appreciate and respect you! God bless.
(1). Adapted from "Minister Wanted," in Kethiv Qere (school paper of Dallas Theological Seminary), March 26, 1975...Excellence in Ministr yby Charles R. Swindoll; A Study of I Timothy, Word Publishing
Must have experience as shepherd, CEO, office manager, educator, salesman, diplomat, referee, writer, theologian, politician motivational speaker, Boy Scout leader, psychologist, social worker, funeral director, wedding consultant, master of ceremonies, church planter, missionary. Helpful but not essential: landscape manager, interior decorator, musician, minor league athlete, stand-up comedian.
Should have answers to life's tough questions about suffering, dying, God's sovereignty. Must hold firm convictions on every topic, but not allowed to ruffle anyone's feathers. Must think as deeply as C.S. Lewis, preach as passionately as C.H. Spurgeon, listen as sensitively as James Dobson.
Sweet disposition required at all times, even when attacked or simply having a bad day. Must have wisdom and experience of age but energy and glow of youth. Required to attend every potluck dinner, yet remain slim. Twenty-four-hour-a-day availability a must (beeper provided). Must spend quality time with family.
Applicant's wife must be both stunning and plain, quiet yet outgoing. She should keep home immaculate but be available to teach Sunday school, organize socials, and discipline women. Applicant's children must be exemplary in conduct and character, yet no different from other kids; dressed decently.
Salary not commensurate with experience or need; no overtime pay; frequent criticism. Non-smoking, non-dancing, non-moving viewing environment. An equal opportunity employer.(1)
I do hope that by now you realize this is a totally fictional classified ad, but it does underscore the pressure that pastors often feel. To all pastors and their families. We love, appreciate and respect you! God bless.
(1). Adapted from "Minister Wanted," in Kethiv Qere (school paper of Dallas Theological Seminary), March 26, 1975...Excellence in Ministr yby Charles R. Swindoll; A Study of I Timothy, Word Publishing
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